Life is a chess game. You have all your pieces, and then there is the rest of the world’s pieces. You don’t know what move you are going to make and the world doesn’t know yours. But if one piece is lost to either side, the rest will be taken away, one at a time. My life in particular is a crazy, difficult, dynamic, and confusing chess game. When you hear my side of the story, you will be shocked how I’ve held on to my chess pieces so long.
I’m like every other teenager. I have my ups and downs, but I still had a lot of pieces on my chest board and many moves to to make. One move that really took some decisions on my part, was my game through adoption. Now, when someone you know gets pregnant, you’re excited. It means that you know someone who is growing a living soul inside of them. Not knowing what abstinence was, and really not caring, I was that reckless, careless, defiant teen. The kind of teen that ended up pregnant at 14-years-old. Statistics say that 3 out of 10 american women under the age of 20, will become pregnant. At this point in my life home and school were already very stressful. I had so many choices and moves to make.
Abortion was an option. But when I got that first sonogram and saw that little defenseless person inside of me, I cried. I honestly couldn’t kill someone so innocent. I understand if you got raped or sexually abused then you would believe that it was all one big mistake and you didn’t want to take care of a baby all by yourself. Of course its your decision, but it wasn’t mine. So abortion was not the right move to make.
I was left with two other options: Parenting or adoption. Now parenting at such a young age, is harder than you think. Fifty percent of teen mothers don’t graduate high school. That means no education, no job, no support, no money, and no help. It wouldn’t be easy. My chess game was already spiralling out of control and I couldn’t find a way to gain my moves back. Although parenting is always worth the love and joy of having another human being that you see as perfect in your life, it just wasn’t the right move for me. I was emotionally and mentally freaking out. Plus 8 out of 10 fathers don’t marry the mother or help with the child in any way. I was giving up, and losing everything is what i feared.
But there was one more move I could make: adoption. Now you would say that the reason I would do adoption and give my baby boy away because I was too irresponsible to take care of a baby. But that’s not true. I placed my baby boy up for adoption with the perfect family that could provide for him and take better care of him. This perfect couple that i personally picked and met,I knew was the right move to make. I don’t want sympathy or pity; rather I want understanding.
The family I originally picked out for him didn’t really want him and they didn’t care about his health, they only cared about how I felt. He was in the NICU for the first 4 weeks of his life. They didn’t want a special needs baby. So just like that, I removed them from the game as easily as someone removes a pawn from a chess match.. I needed to find a new family for him and fast. I eventually found the perfect family I’d been dreaming of. This perfect pair was the best move for this perfect little boy. They were prepared for anything and everything to come. Meeting them was next. We went out to lunch and I had them at my visit with our baby right after. On february 14th,Valentine’s Day, a month after he was born, I placed the most perfect baby boy with the most perfect couple. He finally went home. He had a place to call home. He has love and care. He is protected.
The family I did adoption because they couldn’t have children of their own. Some couples just think it’s best to care for a baby, even if the baby is not theirs. There are three kinds of adoptions. Open, semi-open and closed. Open adoption is picture and letter updates and visits with the baby, semi-open is picture and letter updated but no visits, and closed is either updates and pictures when wanted or nothing at all, no contact. I did open adoption. I want to know everything. I want to be a part of his life. He is the king of all my chess pieces. He is the greatest move I had to ever make and I am proud. I am far more different now than I was back then. Because of this little miracle, I lost a big player in the game, but I won something no one else really could, the chess game that told my whole future.
I will post more about my adoption story soon.. Thanks.