Depression and Anxiety: A constant battle

I have anxiety and depression. Flat out, there I said it. I know I’m not the only one who struggles and I know I’m not the only one that faces this every day. Anxiety and depression comes and goes and sometimes it stays forever. It eats at you and tears you down, it makes you over-think to the point where it hurts to think. There are so many facts and statistics about anxiety and depression and that even surprises me because that proves that there is that many crazy people in this world! The crazy thing too is that woman have it worse than men, woman are more emotional and more open about their feelings and plus woman normally have a lot more stress than men. 41% of depressed women are too embarrassed to seek help anyway. Anxiety and depression go together so well that sometimes its hard to tell the difference. Really depression is a severe feeling that can interfere with your daily, normal activities and make you really sad for a long period of time. Anxiety, on the other hand, is when you are afraid of something or have worries and fears about something that you can or cannot control.

 

Either it be you or someone close to you struggling, help is not asked for by words, but by actions and the silence screams. People who don’t have anxiety or depression won’t ever understand someone who has depression and anxiety. “normal people” without a mental/emotional disorder of any kind, think and believe that people with a mental/emotional disorder are not “normal people”, that they are crazy and psychotic, a burden to society. And when others think you’re crazy, you don’t get the help you need because you’re afraid of others. Without help, most “not normal people” commit suicide or at least attempt to. Which is sad because suicide hurts everyone involved.

With me, I struggle every day just to function in school. It’s hard to focus and pay attention. It’s hard to talk and listen. It’s hard to interact with others and have a filter. My body aches and I am so tired and out of it. Doing daily things are difficult and I have to use a lot of strength just to get out of bed in the morning. Depression and anxiety make me freak out over absolutely nothing sometimes. Like when I have homework or when I have to do chores.  My emotions and my mood changes on a daily basis too, sometimes I can be happy and sad all at once. And I know I am NOT the only one who feels this way. I don’t know what keeps me strong or what helps me I just suffer and do my daily routine.

 

I am the person to either surround myself with other depressed or anxious people, or be independent and by myself. Really its always been that way. My friends, I know are there for me and are always willing to talk, but I push them away because it’s hard to even speak without wanting to scream. And even if I want to talk about it, I have a lump in my throat to the point where I feel like I can’t breath. My family understands me more than anything because to some extent they have felt the same way before. which is great cause if I am having a problem they understand. Even though I have some support I still don’t really use my resources. It’s hard to talk about everything going on in my head when sometimes they are made up scenarios and crazy thoughts. Some things I think about could scare people, so I just don’t share.

 

Therapy or even talking to someone about daily problems is helpful. I have a therapist.  I can tell her anything and everything and it doesn’t leave the room unless its a concern about me hurting myself or someone else. With therapy, they diagnose you with what disorder you have and try to focus on certain things that could help you. There is Short-term (exogenous) depression, it can be caused by loss or extreme trauma. Then there is Chronic or life-long (endogenous) depression, and is caused by trauma in childhood which includes: emotional, physical or sexual abuse; yelling or threats of abuse; neglect (even two parents working); criticism; inappropriate or unclear expectations; maternal separation; conflict in the family; divorce; family addiction; violence in the family, neighborhood or TV; racism and poverty. Its crazy to think how severe depression is. Anxiety can be just as bad. Biological factors contributing to anxiety are still being studied, but brain scans of people suffering with various anxiety disorders have often shown evidence of chemical imbalances. Surpassing even depression, anxiety is the most common form of mental illness in the United States. It’s estimated that approximately 10 percent of teenagers and 40 percent of adults suffer from an anxiety disorder of some kind. which is a pretty big deal for a lot of people.

 

Anyway, Thanks for listening, I think thats all I want to say. Stay safe and if ya need me I’m here. I am a voice or an ear.  Dilldallydallin